txmandy

just little insights to me and my world

The 39th year.

on 09/19/2011

39…it’s just a number right? According to Wikipedia its  the sum of five consecutive primes (3 + 5 + 7 + 11 + 13) and the sum of the first three powers of 3 (31 + 32 + 33).  “39” is a song by The Cure on their album “Bloodflowers”   and  The retired jersey number of former baseball player Roy Campanella.  But more importantly, it’s been 4 days since I celebrated the 39th anniversary of the day the world became a better place and it’s been a tough 4 days.  It didn’t start off so bad but thinking back on the 38th year which really wasn’t that great of a year and I realized that some of the things that made my 38th year crappy was preventable.  I am the fault of why I am sitting here at home and not out with friends, I am the reason why I am not happy with where I live.  Me, myself and my hormones(they are very much a player in all this-trust me).

Over an 8 month period I was on an emotional roller coaster with many loops. I finally found the brake and got off the crazy ride and have put both feet on solid ground and my eyes have finally focused on what’s really going on in my so called life.  This roller coaster was not a fun roller coaster it was draining, frustrating and terribly sad and it separated me from reality and those around me causing loss in my life. So now I am on solid ground and am standing here waiting for an adventure-a fun adventure but I don’t have many to share this fun adventure with seeing that I lost a lot over the year of my roller coaster incident.  What do I do? Do I go back and try to explain myself? Would anyone understand? Would they care?  Do I go out and find new ones to start new adventures with? Where? I feel I am at the gates of an amusement park waiting for it to open when everyone else is inside  and having a blast.

I have decided that now is the time-this is MY year. I am going to have a blast, enjoy the ride and not do it alone!  It’s all down hill from here so might as well have fun!!

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One response to “The 39th year.

  1. Elizabeth Boerget says:

    Those people who have moved on were not true friends. Your true friends heart have been breaking for you not knowing how to reach out to you and share your pain with you. I love you and understand the trials you have been going through.
    I am also ready to start year 39 with a much brighter outlook! Roller coasters are best shared with friends ❤

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